Use all your skill to put me together; I wait to see your finished product. Psalm 25:21 (Message)
I have decided to come out of hiding and blog once again. This journey so far has been difficult, thrilling, blessed, and disappointing.
How wonderful it was to meet a doctor who not only had personality, but also didn't ask me to repeat the name of my diagnosis!
Shhhh. Don't tell anyone, but I secretly expected a full healing from the revision of my decompression. Like Kermie I'm a dreamer. But what an awesome dream to have, huh? Anyho...
So here I am a couple surgeries later, in 2009, still flawed, and still hurting. My headaches are often and even my fingers hurt. The above picture is of the braces made special for me that not only support my weakened wrists, but also give cushioning to fingers so sore they hurt when they touch one another.
The brace helps a lot. However, this part of my life was not what I expected. I wanted to be able to share with you the blessing of being healed by this point, but what I have learned along the way is that healing, like many things on this life, is a process.
I hope this isn't discouraging for those of you just beginning your journey with Chiari. For my family of friends who have been on this long rocky path with me, if only through this blog, I hope that they can see the physical, spiritual, and emotional healing that has taken place along the way.
There is a lot of Queli that was broken, and there is still a lot more to fix.
On the spiritual end I have stepped up and started praying directly for healing. You would think I'd have been praying this all along, but I haven't. To me asking for healing has felt sorta like telling God what to do. Although I have always been a backseat driver, I really didn't want to chance messing with my faith like that.
However, I am at a place where my relationship with God can stand a direct yes or no from Jesus without being shaken.
So I'm praying for healing for the next six months (well five now) and praying that after the six months if I am still in constant pain, that I will have the ability, and humility to say yes to that fusion surgery.
Here's what has happened in the last month since the prayer has begun.
After finding 3 disks bulging in my neck as the culprit to neck and arm/hand pain, my neuro order PT along with traction.
During traction, I am hooked up to a machine that pulls my brain up so it isn't resting on my spine basically.
Traction has been amazing so far. It isn't very comfortable during, but every time I do it (which is about twice a week right now) I feel better, longer. It started out for only moments, and now we are up to two hours of relief.
Also my doctor has prescribed cortisone shots for the neck muscles, which should make these traction sessions cause longer periods of relief.
So no, I am not the guy sitting a Beautiful Gate who received instant healing.
However, Jesus has so far said yes to my prayer, and has given me moments of his healing touch. Which is perhaps all I can handle at this point. Jesus once asked a lame man if he wanted to be healed. Now I know that my answer is not as clear as it once was.
My answer would have to be "I don't know".
Chiari, with all of its struggles and pains, as drawn me closer to my Creator. And still today, if I am truly honest with myself, I don't know that if I had the ability to run without pain, that I would continue to sit at His feet.
For now, I peacefully wait at the Beautiful Gate knowing I don't have to have all the answers. Its in the hands of one that can hold it without the need for a brace to keep His wrists from buckling.
