Monday, August 20, 2007

Velveteen Rabbit
Ruffled, worn, and falling apart, the velveteen rabbit rest speechless on the floor.
The trip has been exhausting, and the journey long.
Each gentle guiding stroke, is now obvious from the prevalent bare areas where fur once lay, soft and clean.
The fur that remains is now dull and blemished.
The process of becoming real is not so pretty :(
I can't help but look towards surgery, and be reminded of the velveteen rabbit.
My body is worn, ruffled, and falling apart. And it will only feel and look worse in the weeks to come.
What will come from it though is one more step towards what God planned for me to be.
A lot of people think Chiari falls outside of the grace of God; outside of His original plan for me; not what He wanted for his child.
I don't agree.
Although the journey has been long, and its trials evident in my worn has all been a series of AFGOs leading me to the raw realness of who I am to become.
AFGOs for those who don't know me, stand for Another Freakin Growth Opportunity. Ofcourse the original version of that I was given has been cleaned for all eyes and ears to take, but either works.
Life is full of AFGOs.
Ugly, painful, wonderful, AFGOs which both make and break us.
Yes make AND break.
Not either or.
Refinement burns out the ugly dark pieces. It isn't a gentle process that you come out of unscathed.
The breaks and tears are important; they are Gods wind for us, making our root in Him stronger.
Never feel sorry for me for having this condition. It isn't as debilitating as it is abilitating.
It has taught me far more than words or teachings ever could.
It has planted me stronger in my faith, and brought me closer to God.
But don't expect me to face each new AFGO with a grin on my face.
I don't like 'em.
There, I said it.
AFGOs suck!
They are uncomfortable, usually painful, and during undesirable times.
They are meant to shed off that next layer to get to the core. And like an onion, as the layers are removed, tears may result.
And this week(or next, I am sure) "How are you?" isn't the best way to greet me if tears make you uncomfortable.
I am emotional, almost bipolar, in fact, in my degrees of emotion.
I'm am smack dab in the middle of an AFGO, and let's be real; I ain't happy about it.
But I do still have joy. Joy in the knowledge that I am held to a greater purpose than this body can possibly restrict me from.
I know that there is good on the otherside of this mountain.
So a better way to greet me perhaps it to just say "keep climbing".
I am almost at the peak, where I will be able to see the road for miles ahead.
Until ofcourse, I hit the next mountain. Unfortunately our lives are not made of one big test, but a series of 'em....... us humans aren't necessarily the quick learns as we think we are.
So feel free to join me on this journey ahead............just know you might see tears along the way........and that's okay.
I gotta mountain to climb.
Ofcourse, if someone has a drill to go right through it, I will take that too.........
But for now, I'll keep climbing, loosing some fur along the way (Huge hunk from the back of my head to be exact) Each step to becoming more authentic in my walk.
Sorry this blog is so full of metaphors...........just thought you all could relate more than you could to brain surgery. We haven't all had someone drill into our sculls, but we have all been on this journey.
Take care of you,