Friday, October 26, 2007

Place in this World

Guess what is right around the corner?
Nov. 2nd.
My birthday.

So every year around this time, I do what most people do on New Years Eve.....I evaluate the past year. I look at where I am, and where I have been, and of course where I want to be.

Chiari has changed a lot regarding where I want to be.
I used to have glorious laid out plans of who I was to be: Therapist, Wife, Mother...

Today, I am none of those. However, it is not because it wasn't part of the just wasn't part of His plan.
I laugh when I look back on my life to the times I thought I had everything all figured out. Even seasons that I thought were well planned, had no room to continue when life's AFGOs trickled through.
It makes me think of my first year back in college after Remuda. I thought I had it all so figured out.....and I was flying high.
I had a job working with children. I was working towards the end of my degree, and I was going to Amsterdam in the Spring. Life felt so slow that I wanted to race ahead to all those plans I made.
One moment put the brakes on the turtle I thought couldn't move slower. It was a phone call from a friend back in Marlyand letting me know there had been an accident and I needed to come home.
For those that know me, you know what that was all about... but that isn't what is important in this story. What is important is that in the blink of an eye, the train went off track.
I never made it to Amsterdam and I didn't get back to school until the following year...and even when I did, I came back with experiences that changed my focus on what I wanted.

And I was okay to return to slow btw :) Even planning for the storms don't prepare us for that call at 2am, that we didn't even dream of preparing for. We spend so much time planning who we want to be, and we forget that those AFGOs are down the next path....yeah the same one our plans are on... and they lead to forks that aren't on the map.

Anyhow, I have finally given up the desire to plan out my life. Sure there are things I want to do, and places I want to see, and experiences I want to have.

But those things are not necessary.
Chiari has taught me that life is what happens when you are busy making plans. So personally I have made the decision to see my eyes, ears, and spirit open to where God leads me.
So, for the birthday review time summary thus far: I might never get married (sorry mom), or have kids, or be a successful therapist. And that's alright.

Even though I am not where I planned to be at 34, I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this given time.
For all of the Chiarians out there:
I changed the song on this blog for the month to Invitation Fountain...
"All who are weak, all who are weary. Come to the Rock. Come to the founatin..."To remind us that even though we didn't plan on this condition, it doesn't mean that God's plans don't include using it to strengthen, prepare, and equip us for what he has laid out for us while we are here on earth.
Peace, and next time, I promise to update you on all things Chiari :)


Kellie said...

Beautifully written. I am a mother of a 13 year old chiarian. We just take it one day at a time right now. Reading your blog lightens my heart. I hope and pray for pain free days ahead.

lace1070 said...

Amen, sister ~ life reviews are a good thing ~ they give us perspective and keep us honest. More importantly, they remind us to let Jesus take the wheel and let Him steer us ~ You are awesome ~ Keep me posted ~ hugs to you on your b-day ~ Lace