Saturday, December 15, 2007

His TIming not Mine

Okay, so first things first. I ended up in the ER the other night getting some tests and a CTscan. Which unfortunately led to some unpleasant news from the docs that something that we thought was history is very present and needs to be dealt with surgically.

My biggest freak out was in regards to how this was going to effect my plans to fly to Phoenix in the next few days.
Freak out is stating it mildly; I cried.
I couldn't understand why God chose this moment to reveal the issue at hand.
Why now Lord?

I wasn't as concerned about the prospect of having another surgery. I am already preparing for 2 more surgeries; what's one more?

Couldn't it have waited 2 more weeks, after the New Year?

Even though the surgeon hadn't answered my email yet (I had emailed him the scans and results) I knew what he was going to say.
I have lived with Chiari long enough that I know what is going on most of the time.
Even at the ER, I told them what they would find on the CT scan....and they thought I was some Internet junkie self-diagnosing.
Nope. It's called Been There!
I was so relieved this evening to open my email and see that I could still fly.
It also talked about surgery.......but I knew that.

Still I couldn't understand why now. Even though I can fly, it is going to make me nervous. And now I go to see the place I love, gathering with my "sisters" with this new information to drag along with my carry-on luggage.

While Christmas shopping tonight, and trying to think of the perfect gift for those who touch my life so deeply, the answer came.
Why not now?
I wanted to find something that indicated to certain people in my life, my understanding that God had given them to me as touch-stones. Touchable, visible icons of His love for me.
Then it occurred to me that Phoenix is one of those touchstones.
A place I wanted to visit before having another surgery.
A place to draw courage, and strength for the next leg of the race.
Then I knew.
This was the perfect time to get those results.
Touching down in AZ, knowing what the near future holds......and drawing strength and courage from the milk and honey God has provided in the land I call home, no matter where I live.
Why not now?
His timing is perfect.


lace1070 said...

Oh Queli ~ my heart goes out to you now ~ but I have total faith that whatever it is that is on the bumpy road ahead of you ~ you will gain more strength and character for enduring just AFGA ~ Lace